moving days . . .

I’m moving! I wanted something different, something fresh, so soon most of the content (that I want to keep anyway) that is hanging out here will be moved to the new choose2livefree site. When everything is set, I’ll make sure that this link takes you there.

I have some new ideas for page content and for blog posts, so keep watching and subscribe! Use the link in the sidebar of the new site. It has a different Feedburner link/address.

In the meantime, for more on the topics and issues of the Live Free series, check out my author blog at www.jankern.com.

By Jan Kern on September 19, 2008 | Posted in Uncategorized | Comments (0)

join me for an ‘author chat’

Want to talk about the Live Free series and the topics of self-injury, sexual compromise, and Internet obsessions? Chat with me about my journey in writing these books and telling the true stories? Join me on Wednesday, September 10th at Abunga.com!

Author Chat with Jan Kern at Abunga.com
Wednesday, Sept. 10, 2008
11 a.m. – Noon PDT / 1 – 2 p.m. CDT / 2 – 3 p.m. EDT (LIVE)

For more information:
Abunga’s Newsroom

How to participate in the chat:

Go to: Author’s at Abunga

You can visit the site prior to the chat and submit questions ahead of time, even if you won’t be able to participate on the day of the chat. And of course you can submit questions, if you’d like, during the chat on Wednesday, September 10th.

On the day of the chat, go to the link above and click on “Chat with Jan Kern.” Join in the discussion!

Afterwards (give Abunga some time to compile), you can download a pdf file of the discussion in Abunga’s archive section.

I have to say that I’m impressed with this online bookstore. Here’s a blurb about Abunga:

Based in Knoxville, Tennessee, Abunga.com offers more than 1.8 million family-friendly book titles, savings through distributor-direct prices and support to nonprofit organizations by donating 5 percent of each transaction to a customer-selected charity. For more information, visit www.Abunga.com.

I love the concept of this site, particularly that they are family friendly and charity focused. And their product prices are competitive with other major online bookstores. (And no, I don’t work for them, and they did not ask me to say any of that.)

Would love to have you join me for the chat. Tell your friends too! Let’s discuss these topics!

By Jan Kern on September 6, 2008 | Posted in internet obsessions, sexual compromise, false intimacy, event, self-injury | Comments (0)

live free ‘determination’

I love that it’s God’s work in us that transforms us, gives us what we need to go deep with him, to live powerfully in the face of the big stuff that shakes up our life or the smaller stuff that messes up our day.

So do I sit back and just let him carry it all for me? Well, yes . . . and no. He is our burden bearer who has a history of stepping into the messiness of our lives and working in ways that leave us in awe. He doesn’t need any of us to add to that.

But in relationship with him, I can be willing, even better, determined, to join him in all he’s doing.

I like life verses. One of mine is the Philippians 3:10-11 in the Amplified version. Take the first part:

For my determined purpose is that I may know Him, that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly.

God doesn’t force me to be in a relationship with him. And once in a relationship with him, my connection to him doesn’t just happen passively. I need to . . . want to actively pursue knowing who is. More strongly, clearly.

It’s my determined purpose.

A determination that spills over into other thoughts and choices and ways I choose to live.

By Jan Kern on August 25, 2008 | Posted in going deeper, live free words | Comments (0)

meet katie

Last week you met Steph. Today, meet Katie. 

Katie, you have had quite a journey to discovering your worth. Tell us a little about that and what most tripped you up.
I focused on the peer pressure and the media pressure to be someone that God had not created me to be. I faced the same issues that other girls face. I was so excited that a guy finally thought I was pretty that I was too eager to be in a relationship that was not healthy and was not honoring to God. Instead of trying to be like Jesus, I wanted to be whoever it was that would keep this guy around.

As a teen, what did you believe relationships with guys, even sex, would give you?
I thought that my relationship with a guy would make me a better person, would make me more confident. I thought I would feel loved and feel whole. I didn’t want to kiss until I was married. But at 16, in my first relationship, I was so infatuated that I didn’t make wise decisions. He never kissed my lips, but we didn’t keep our hands to ourselves either! As I got older and I was in relationships in college, it was way too easy to keep progressing down that path to sexual activity.

So did what you believed about relationship and sex prove to be true? What have you discovered since?
None of it was true. I still felt like something was missing. The more I spent time with this guy who “loved” me, the more I felt that what I was doing was wrong. I know now that God is the only One who can make me feel whole. He is the One who gives me confidence to do what He’s called me to do. He is the One who calls me His daughter – He calls me beautiful and He loves me. I think during those relationships, He was calling me back to Himself, but I ignored Him.

What hope or advice do you have for teens (guys and girls)?
No matter what has happened in the past – whether it was a decision you made or whether it was something that happened to you – God is bigger than our past! He offers forgiveness, grace, and mercy and gives us a new start. He promises to be everything we need and provide everything we need. We have to forgive ourselves and look forward to our future.

What do you most want girls to discover through your site?
Speak Don’t Bleed is a place for girls to find God. We want them to find hope and healing, to share their struggles and their pain, to find encouragement and someone who will listen. But ultimately, none of us can do this on our own! We need God to be the Lord of our lives and fill the void. We can tell Him all about our pain, our past, our hurt and leave it at His feet. He wants to wipe away their tears, to heal their wounds and to show them love – His true and perfect love.

Steph and Katie are two young women you got to get to know. Be sure to visit their site, Speak Don’t Bleed.

And if you’re struggling through some of the same beliefs and painful past that Katie has, or if you’re fighting temptation to step into sexual activity, consider reading Seduced by Sex, Saved by Love—A Journey Out of False Intimacy. Suzy’s story, as she searched for true love, acceptance, and belonging, is powerful and real—as are the other stories shared by guys and girls in the book.

By Jan Kern on August 20, 2008 | Posted in false intimacy, sex | Comments (0)

live free ‘forgiveness’

Forgiveness is hard. But God knows that. He knows it doesn’t immediately erase years of pain. He also knows that my letting go in forgiveness is just as important for me as it is for those I need to forgive. Here’s a quote from Scars That Wound, Scars That Heal–A Journey Out of Self-Injury:

God is all about forgiveness and relationship.

As we grasp how much he has forgiven us, forgiveness of those who have hurt us seems more and more possible. In living out our relationship with him, one that is grounded in forgiveness, we are able to begin the difficult but freeing work of forgiving both others and ourselves.

Scars That Wound, Scars That Heal
A Journey Out of Self-Injury
p. 174

That’s where I want to go with God daily. Toward that difficult but freeing work of forgiving . . . myself . . . others.

Even when it feels impossible.

“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted,
forgiving each other just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”
Ephesians 4:32 NIV

By Jan Kern on August 18, 2008 | Posted in going deeper, live free words | Comments (0)

meet Steph

Steph and Katie are two young women who have a heart for teen girls. Recently they launched a site called, Speak, Don’t Bleed. I asked each to share a little of their story and their passion for their web ministry. We’ll start with Steph this week, and then be sure to check back next week to read about Katie.

Steph, as a teen you struggled with self-injury and call that some of your darkest moments. Can you tell us a little about that time?
When I was a teen I started dealing heavily with painful memories and emotions from my childhood that I had stuffed away inside myself for years. They just happened to surface at that time in my life. I felt as if I had no one who would understand. I never felt like I could talk to anyone about what was going on inside of me. I felt a lot of shame and I didn’t even understand it myself at the time. It was a very lonely time for me.

What did you most long for that wasn’t happening at that time in your life?
I wanted to know that I was loved and that I was worth something to someone. I wanted to learn how to trust again and be able to have someone who would understand or at least try to understand and be there for me to support me.

Where are you finding hope today?
It’s taken me years (and I’m still working on it), but God is showing me that my hope needs to be in Him and Him alone. He is showing me that I can hope in Him because He always has my best interest at heart. He sees the whole picture when I only see a piece of it, so He knows best.

What better ways of coping with life and issues have you discovered?
One of the biggest things I’ve learned that has contributed to being able to cope is that it’s ok to be me, that God’s opinion of me is all that matters, and that I need to trust in His promises, not Satan’s lies. It’s ok to be honest with God. He wants us to be honest and open with Him. I think to be able to cope better it takes courage to be vulnerable about your feelings, and I think my growth in that area has been the key to learning how to cope in more healthy ways. When you are able to be open and honest about your feelings, then the secrecy, shame, and the need to self-injure decreases drastically. Learning how to cope in healthy ways also has everything to do with learning to trust God and believing in the promises He lays out in His word.

What do you most want girls to discover through visiting your site?
I want the girls that visit Speak Don’t Bleed to ultimately find freedom in Christ. I want them to know His never-ending love and forgiveness and know the extent of their worth to Him.

- - - -

Steph knows that many teen girls are hurting in ways none of us can begin to understand or imagine, even someone like her who has been there. But she wants to talk to her site visitors about the One who has, as she puts it, “been through it all, seen it all, and overcome it all.” If you’re struggling with self-injury, be sure to check out Steph’s and Katie’s site, Speak, Don’t Bleed and the self-injury resources page on this site.

By Jan Kern on August 13, 2008 | Posted in self-injury | Comments (0)

live free ‘boldness’

Boldness.

What is it? Is it acting strong and standing up to anything we don’t like or agree with? Stepping out and doing something on a dare to prove ourselves? Toughing it out and not letting anyone know the fears that really shake us up? For some these ideas might define boldness.

As usual—and this is a good thing—God has a different take than how we might naturally see it.

“Since we have such hope, we are very bold.” A man named Paul wrote that, just after he had written about how the enduring Spirit of the living God can be written on our hearts—hearts that grow to recognize that our confidence and boldness is beyond anything we have and becomes a part of who we are through our personal connection to God (2 Corinthians 3:4-6, 12).

That’s boldness formed out of a solid hope in something and a dependency on Someone else.

Two guys named Peter and John stood in front of a bunch of highly educated and respected men who weren’t exactly willing to listen to what they had to say. This crowd saw the two as uneducated, common people and looked down on them, but then what they heard amazed them. The words following that part of the story say, “They (the educated guys) recognized that these men (Peter and John) had been with Jesus.” (parenthetical words added, story from Acts 3 & 4)

That’s boldness formed out of spending time with Jesus.

Life is challenging. I need boldness every day. I have it by spending time connecting with God, letting his words and ways settle into my mind and heart and become a part of the way I choose to live, part of the way I hope.

By Jan Kern on August 11, 2008 | Posted in going deeper, live free words | Comments (0)

stirring things up

OK . . . Getting into this blog now and hoping to stir up some conversation. Really don’t want to do this alone. So as you stop by, feel free to read through new posts and old posts and share what you’re thinking. For this one, I’m wondering . . . What causes you to want to scream and kick a wall? What about your relationship with God do you love or do you question? What in life throws you or strengthens you?

I’ll start.

I have a passion to do something (what isn’t so important for this post), and I really think that I could possibly do it well . . . eventually. (Wow, look how those adverbs show my uncertainty!) With encouragement from a couple friends, I’ve even gone after this passion a few times, but when I do I get a face plant in a brick wall. Okay, not literally—that would hurt.

Things just don’t work out one way or another. But then I think, isn’t this something good that God would want to happen? That’s the kind of thing that throws me. It can really discourage me, in fact. Questions pour through my mind. Even the question, “What’s wrong with me?” I get stuck.

And yet, at least in this area, I’m not questioning God so much as my ability to hear him well. I guess this is one of those mixed things. I’m thrown by it, discouraged and saddened. I also know the experience can strengthen me. I want to be careful not to easily let go of a passion—one that maybe God wants me to have—but I am going to slow down and listen some more to him, see what he has to say.

I’ve been learning that to go after something I’m passionate about hardly ever takes the shape I first imagine . . . and that God’s shape is always far better. I want to trust more. I know that’s a freer place to live.

So what about you? What are you thinking about this week?

By Jan Kern on August 8, 2008 | Posted in questioning, struggles, hope | Comments (0)

in reach

Words in black on white pages. Aren’t those that are found in the Bible much more than that? Living words—that’s what Peter, one of Jesus’ disciples, called them. And yet, I read them, and too often treat them, like other ordinary words. They roll right on by in my mind. Sometimes, with God’s help, I catch a glimpse of their life, their depth. I want them to mean more to me than mere words on a page. I want to get them down into my life, live them out. The problem is, doing that isn’t all that automatic . . . or easy.

For instance, take Jesus’ words that are the inspiration for the title of this site.

So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free. John 8:36 (NLT)

Living free.

That freedom Jesus has for each of us can feel far out of reach, especially when:

. . . you walk down the hall at school, come up behind your friends, and overhear them talking about how they want to ditch you

. . . you head downstairs and find Mom and Dad in the kitchen looking really upset, and they tell you they’re getting a divorce

. . . you just heard your best friend was killed in a car accident

. . . you’re huddled into the corner of your bedroom listening to scary sounds coming through the walls . . . slurred, raised voices and things crashing and breaking

. . . the anxiety and pain you’re experiencing is so intense, you feel the only way you can bring relief is by cutting or burning yourself

. . . you feel trapped by alcohol, drugs, or other addictions

. . . you can’t go through even one day at school or work without feeling pressured to be someone you don’t want to be

. . . you appear on the outside like you’re confident, but inside you feel like you’re barely holding everything together

A few of those are too familiar to me. In those moments, I’ve felt like the ground is giving away and I’m about to be swallowed up in something I never signed on for. Just as I’m about to be sucked under, I reach for the edges of that freedom Jesus talks about. I can’t . . . get . . . to it.

Then God comes near. He has never failed to bring his freedom within reach.

By Jan Kern on August 22, 2007 | Posted in tough issues, self-injury, hope, living free | Comments (0)

a different kind of free

Tell me . . . What does it mean to you to be free—I mean really free?

No, not the normal, everyday freedoms we might experience—depending on where we live—but the way Jesus might have meant it when he said that if he sets me free, I’m truly free (John 8:36). Besides the usual, and crucial, application of freedom from being a slave to sin, what is Jesus talking about there? What does his kind of freedom look like within the context of my life? How do I grab hold of it when I’m sliding around in the muck of life’s struggles and pressures?

I get the feeling that it’s going to take me an eternity to really figure out “living free” like Jesus meant it. But in the meantime, I know he wants me to begin living that freedom where I am right now.

A good place to start. Well, that and the only place to start.

By Jan Kern on August 22, 2007 | Posted in living free | Comments (0)